20 months today

Time is the longest distance between two places.

~Tennessee Williams~

Get in the game, get a coach!

"Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.”

- John Wooden

No, not that kind of coach... although John Wooden is pretty cool (click on the link above to learn more about him). Thanks to J we found Dr. Poonam Sharma, The China Adoption Coach.

Last night she hosted a teleconference, "Preparing for the Adoption Trip". It was really less about travel, though, and more about bonding, attachment and transitions. I've done a lot of reading about adoption and I still thought this was an hour well-spent. Even better, I put the call on speaker phone so Rob could listen in. I even caught him taking some notes!

Dr. Sharma will be having a repeat session on Oct 1. If you're interested, you can register here http://www.telephonebridgeservices.com/event_details.html?eventid=9959. The call is one hour long and it's FREE (except for phone charges). She also has an e-newsletter that I just signed up for and the site has some very helpful links as well.

BTW, Dr. Sharma is mother to one daughter from China and is LID March (?) 2006 for her second. So, she's both a licensed therapist and an a-parent.

A fun, productive afternoon

Rob and I went to check out Peapods, the natural baby store this afternoon. I wanted to look at the g diapers and Ergo baby carriers in person and I knew they had both. The jury is still out on the diapers, but I did get an Ergo! Ours is the black with camel lining. Ergo doesn't make carriers in a ton of colors or patterns like Mei Tais, but I've talked to a few people who have them and read the reviews on TheBabyWearer.com and they seem to be the most universally liked of all carriers. Hopefully it works for us.

On our way home, we stopped at JoAnn Etc. so I could pick up some fabric swatches for the cushion I'm making for Nora's toy box. Honestly I expected to find a few possibilities, bring home swatches, reject them all and repeat the process about four more times. Instead I found fabric and it was on clearance for $2/yard! The pink will be the cushion and the green and pink stripe will be used for piping. I love the funky, bright retro print. It gets better every time I look at it. It's even got butterflies (the green things).

buy any good diapers lately?

This month's packing list challenge is baby "stuff" to take to China. Diapers are one of the things on my list, so I've been looking. Are any of you familiar with g diapers? I found them this evening as I was searching for diapers that didn't have cartoon characters all over them. The idea is appealing to me. I don't like the idea of filling up the landfills with disposable diapers, but I don't think that I'm up for cloth either. These seem like a happy medium - a reusable cloth outer pant with biodegradable liners. I'm wondering how well they work... if you know, please share!! Thanks!!

Referral update

Well, it's not quite as bad as the three days I'd heard earlier ... it's four days. At least it's not one. There's a sad state of affairs for you; anything more than one day matched and I declare it a good month.

For a smile, head over to the RQ. She's got links to the new referral pictures here. Congratulations to all the families receiving their referrals this week!

My new project

This is my toy box - my brother built it for me when he was about 14 years old (Pretty good for a middle school shop project, huh? I couldn't build that now!). After I went away to college, it went to my nephew, P, and has been in my my brother's basement since P outgrew it. Two weeks ago it came home with us for Nora.

I'm going to paint the outside a vanilla white to match Nora's crib and the inside will be bright lime green. Tonight I need to find some new hardware online - new hinges and an easy close mechanism to keep fingers from getting smashed. I also ordered some foam to make a pad for the top (fabric tbd). Nora's room isn't graced with a window seat, so I thought this would be a nice proxy for that - a little place where she can sit with a book.

Oh no... (referral update)

RQ has posted that someone with a Nov 25 LID has been told that she's not in. If that's true, then this batch covers three days (11/22/05 - 11/24/05). Even though these three days were all believed to have a large number of dossiers, with 11/22 being very large, three days still feels disappointing to me. I was really hoping that they'd get through November.

I've been telling people that we expect a referral next Spring, probably March or April. Now I'm again unsure of that. I'm perfectly willing to wait for Nora, but constantly explaining this to everyone we know is starting to wear on me. I tell myself that people ask because they are interested (a good thing) and try to always answer with a smile. Lately, though, I'm afraid my smile might be starting to look like a pained grimace.

The power of suggestion

Rob and I went to a waiting families gathering hosted by our home study agency on Monday night. Beth, our social worker, was talking about a book she had read called The Baby Boat (This is not an endorsement; I haven't read the book yet, although I do now have it on reserve at the library). Anyway, one of her discussion questions was about nesting. Rob was quick to point out all the stuff - toys, clothes, books, etc. - accumulating in Nora's room. Thankfully, one of the other women had bought MUCH more than I have (three snowsuits! We only have one that I bought on clearance last winter). Anyway, on the way home I asked Rob if he thought I'd bought too much for Nora. He said no, that as long as I bought stuff on sale it was fine with him.


Well....today at lunch.... SALE AT GYMBOREE!!!!
I really love that all of these mix and match with each other. And did you see the sunglasses??? SO cute. Now baby needs some shoes! (I'm kidding, honey).

The diaper bag challenge!

Well, it's the end of the month and time to post this month's Packing List Challenge. This is a cross-post of my entry over there. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know!!

Wow - no where near ready and already I need a Sherpa!

Here's what I've got so far:
* Backpack. I'll probably also bring a smaller packable bag or tote for use on short outings while we're there
* Thermos, Playtex nursers, extra nipples, formula bags, formula (formula not pictured)
* Change of clothes for Nora
* Hat for Nora
* Lovey or blanket
* Bib for Nora, snacks (including some for Rob and me, not pictured), bottle of water (not pictured)
* Changing pad/clutch, wipes, diapers (diapers not pictured/purchased)
* Diaper rash cream, Teething gel, other meds for Nora (tbd), probably also a small first aid kit and meds for us as well
* Soft rattle, teething toy, rings. I'll probably also toss in a small book.
* Pacifiers, probably a couple of kinds
* Tide pen, Purell
* Map/travel guide (tbd when we know where we're going), China language reference, Baby care reference -- probably not the whole books, our agency suggests tearing out selected pages of travel guide in particular once the itinerary is set.
* Camera (not pictured - it was taking the picture since I'm still trying to get used to the little camera)
* Cell phone/Panda(?) phone (not pictured)
* My little Coach wristlet with cash, credit cards, lip balm and Altoids minis

Thanks, Stephe, for creating some motivation to get this done -- I really appreciate it, cuz I would have waited til the last minute for sure. Can't wait to see everyone else's post so I can figure out what I've forgotten!

Ok, so that was a bad choice of words

I'll concede that this lady's experiment is not necessarily racist, but it is most definitely anti-China. This sort of thing has been a topic of discussion at our house a couple of times because hubby had been prone to making offhanded comments suggesting that Chinese products are "cheap" or "low quality". These things bother me because I don't want Nora to ever infer that anyone (and certainly not her daddy) thinks that she is low quality because she came from China.

That'll teach me to read the newspaper

Two weekends ago we were in IL visiting family and I happened to read the Sunday Chicago Tribune. There was an article on the front page of the business section that caught my eye -- A family tries 12 months without 'Made in China'

At first I thought it was a pro-American kind of thing, reduce the trade deficit, etc. That part all sounded pretty good; we should all be concerned about the trade deficit. Then I read the article. They aren't about addressing the trade deficit - Legos from Denmark and expensive Italian shoes are apparently ok, only Chinese goods are forbidden. European good, Asian bad. Racist much?

I also totally discounted the whole experiment when I read that they didn't realize that Hong Kong is part of China.

Read the article. Let me know if it rubs you wrong too.

Reading ... and thinking

Today I finished reading China Ghosts by Jeff Gammage. I can't say that much about this book was new - it's a fairly typical China adoption story. The book is well-written, though, and told from the perspective of the father, which was interesting.

The parts I found most interesting were the descriptions of the first days spent with each of their two daughters. The story of the older daughter, Jin Yu, was told in more detail and was very interesting in that she was (1) detached and (2) had a large scar on her head, requiring medical evaluation in China. It is good to hear some of the not-so-perfect stories, I think, because those are the ones that make us think and help us prepare ourselves.

I've been thinking about these things a lot lately because of the recent discussion over at the RQ site regarding the referral of children with repaired special needs in the NSN program. While it is unlikely that this will happen, it's a possibility that we need to consider and discuss in advance with our spouse and with our agency. Everyone needs to make the choices that are right for their family and owes it to themself and to the child to be as informed as possible. It would probably be a good idea to find a pediatrician and talk to the International Adoption Clinic in advance of receiving a referral and also prepare a contact list of resources that might be needed if you have concerns while you're in China. I'm going to start working on ours.

BTW, how do I find a pediatrician? There are two of them at the clinic that Rob and I go two, but they are both white women. I think it would be nice to find some more diverse role models for Nora. I'm just not sure how to do that. Any ideas?

I've got mail!

Actually, Nora's got mail, but I got to open it! Our Jan DTC secret pal sent the coolest activity books and picture frames for photos of the pets. I can hardly wait until Nora is ready to color. There is nothing in the world like the smell of a fresh box of Crayolas - heaven!

Thank you so much, SP! I'm going to have to get cracking on the coloring tote I've been meaning to make - especially now that we've got stuff to put in it!

Beware of Dog

There was a horrible story on the news here not too long ago about a 7 year old boy who was killed by the family dog - a pit bull who was kept chained in the basement (what??!! who would have a "pet" who needed to be kept chained inside the house??). In any case, the parents deserve some credit for realizing that the dog needed to be kept from the children. The poor little boy apparently went downstairs to pet the dog or something. When the father realized what happened and went to help, he got bit himself and shot the dog. My heart hurts for everyone involved.

I know, that all pit bulls aren't vicious and that people play some role in shaping their behaviors, but I also know that Maddie likes to carry things around in her mouth because she's a retriever. It's what she was meant to do, it's nothing we taught her. Certain characteristics are part of any breed and it seems to me that breeds originally developed as guard dogs or something like that will be naturally more aggressive than breeds developed for sport or companionship. If you have a dog bred to be a guard dog, you need to be willing to make an extra effort to work with him to become a good companion.

I also think we all need to realize that this didn't necessarily have to be a story involving a "dangerous" breed. All dogs have sharp teeth and strong jaws and little kids can be annoying to them I'm sure. I've seen our little neighbor, A, stick her finger in Maddie eye and up her nose (she was in that learning body parts phase and was teaching Maddie some of hers). If someone did that to me, I might want to bite them.

There's an article in the current issue of Parents magazine about kids and dogs. I couldn't find it exactly in magazine format online, but you can read most of the content here. They describe four commands that the family dog should know. Here's our report card:

1. Go to your spot.
This order gives your dog a place to go when things get chaotic. Put [her] crate or bed in a quiet spot. Toss a treat into it, and tell the dog, "Go to your spot." Teach the kids to leave the dog alone when [she's] in [her] spot.
Our grade: C. Maddie knows "lie down" and is reliable with it. She also has a favorite spot behind the kitchen table, but we have not taught her to go to a spot. She really wants to be with us and because she is part of the family, we don't want to send her to another room (that would feel like punishment to her, don't you think). Probably what I should teach her is to go lie down in a spot that I point to, so she could be out of the way but still in the same room.

2. Leave it.
This command keeps your dog from pouncing on dropped food or a child's favorite toy. To train: With the dog on a leash, put a dog treat on the floor and say, "Leave it." The second your pet stops trying to get the treat - and especially if [she] looks up at you - quickly give an even better treat from your hand (like cheese or a tidbit of chicken) and say, "Good dog!"
Our grade: B. Maddie is decent at this, but she did grab an apple turnover out of my friend B's house last Spring (she dropped it when I told her to drop it, which was good, but what I really want is for her to not grab it in the first place). She will leave something on the ground if I tell her to "leave it", though. We did teach the command pretty much the way the article describes too, but Maddie's great reward is bits of hot dog.

3. Off.
The last thing you need when you're carrying a baby is Bowser jumping up on you. Teach your dog "off" by never, ever touching [her] when [she] jumps up on you - don't even push [her] away. Instead, turn your back so [she] drops on all fours. Then , bend down to pet [her]. Our grade: C. My girl is really happy to see us after we've been apart all day. I think she knows that she's not supposed to jump, but there is a lot of frantic wiggling, whining and - sadly - mouthing (she does it softly, but it's still her mouth on my hand). Lately I've been ignoring her when she has the "crazies" and then pet and gush all over here when she calms down and greets me properly.

4. Wait.
If you're heading outside, keep your dog from getting overly excited. Put [her] on a leash, open the door, and tell [her], "Wait." When [she] relaxes, release [her] with a cheerful "Okay!" and let [her] go through the doorway.
Our grade: A-. It might have been a solid A, but we don't always use this when going outside. We do use "wait" often on the stairs, though, and it's perfect for that. "Wait" for us is a temporary thing - she knows to stay alert because we're going to call her soon (unlike "stay" where she might as well take a nap). I love this when I have my hands full and want to get up or down the stairs without tripping over the dog. Obviously it will also be great when trying to carry a baby up/down the stairs.

In case these so-so marks are giving you a less than favorable opinion of my furbaby, I should say that Maddie is a very good girl. Our less-than-perfect grades have everything to do with my inconsistencies in training, nothing at all to do with Miss Madness. We need to do more before Nora comes home - "Off" and nice walking on a leash are probably the two things that are most important for us.

Just for kicks I thought I'd share the first picture I ever saw of Maddie (her breeder emailed this to me after they did the "puppy matching"). It was love at first sight.

Get thee to Target!

It started off innocently enough, just a quick after-work trip to the local Target store... but of course I had to walk by the baby section (looking for a changing mat for the August China packing list challenge task). I didn't find a changing mat that I liked, but I did find some incredible bargains on cute baby clothes. Look at this - the cap was only $0.98 and a couple of the onsies $2.78. The most expensive thing was the skort and even that was less than $5. Pretty incredible.The logic behind the gray t-shirt was that I thought it would look good with the little velour track suit that I bought on clearance at BabyStyle last Spring. I know, it's very pink... but doesn't it look comfy?While I'm thinking about this -- does anyone know if we can donate clothing to our child's orphanage while in China? There's no reason why I couldn't snap up a bunch of this stuff while it's on sale and take it over to China with us. It wouldn't take up much room - and it would be a nice placeholder in the luggage (give it away when we get there and fill up its space with souvenirs).

Toxic baby bottles - in case there isn't enough to worry about

Precisely three days after buying baby bottles I heard a news story about the dangers of polycarbonate baby bottles. I should have known this, especially since Rob threw out all our Nalgene bottles a year ago for the same reason. You can read more about this on the link above, but in a nutshell the BPA used in polycarbonate bottles leaches into food and poses some health hazards.

I guess I should be happy that the bottles I bought were a combination of Playtex "premium"* polycarbonate bottles with drop-ins (the drop-ins are plastic, but not polycarbonate) and Playtex nursers (not polycarbonate and also used with drop-ins). It could have been worse. Still, though, I am thinking about taking them back. I wonder what's worse - a plastic bottle with a drop-in that might leach something or a glass bottle that might break. As far as I know there is no such thing as a stainless steel baby bottle.

I also thought about baby dishes a while back (making it all that much weirder that I didn't recognize the bottle issue) and have been actively looking for stainless steel dishes and storage containers. In case you are wondering, there are not many available. I found this dish, this dish and these storage containers and not a lot else. Even Kiwi magazine (I know, we have some tree-hugger tendencies) - which first put this anti-plastic dish concern in my head - didn't have anything to offer up. If anyone has other suggestions for non-plastic baby dishes and food storage containers, please let me know.

* don't you love the "premium" bit - you pay extra to poison your child.

Nineteen months!

It's official. Our wait has now passed my original worst-case scenario. When we first started this process in July 2005, I would have never guessed that our wait would pass 18 months... but you know what happens to the best laid plans!

Still, time marches on and each day that passes brings us one day closer. Sometimes - like when I think about all the preparations left to be done - it feels practically imminent!

What brown can't do for you

I'd been planning on taking Nora's quilt up North when we go camping next month (to drop it off at the quilt shop where I wanted to have it quilted). I sent a note to the quilt shop asking about having it quilted, though, and they said that it could probably be done earlier if I sent it up. This was appealing - maybe it will be done by the time we go up and I can bring it home with us. Great news, right?

It was, except it meant that I needed to ship Nora's quilt. I rarely have any trouble shipping anything, but the thought of packing something irreplaceable in a cardboard box made me VERY nervous. Yesterday, though, I worked up all my courage and took it over to the UPS store to have shipped. The guy gave me some waiver to sign and I was supposed to fill in the value of the item. "Priceless" was not an acceptable answer. Neither was "One Million Dollars". Mean, heartless man made me put a dollar value on my baby's quilt. I called it $500, which I think doesn't come close to covering the time and energy (and fabric) involved in this project, but he wasn't going to send it otherwise, so that's what I did and paid the extra $5 for $500 worth of insurance. Since then I've been anxiously checking the package tracking site every chance I get. Good news - this afternoon delivery was confirmed at the quilt shop. Pretty good service, don't you think? Felt like a million years though.

A whole aisle of baby bottles

So, I went to Target this afternoon to start buying some of the little essentials that we'll need for our adoption trip. It was completely overwhelming- Target has a whole aisle of baby bottles. How the heck am I supposed to know what we need? I thought I remembered seeing in something (from our agency, I thought, but now I can't find it in any of the materials from them) about a Playtex nurser, so that's what I bought even though everyone seems to get the Avent ones now. I also got bottle liners, a few nipples (and realize we need more and different kinds), a thermos for hot water, a package of disposable bibs, two packages of disposable changing pads and a Cheerios travel box.

I've also been thinking about which toys we should bring for Nora. I need small/light toys that will hold her interest. Here are some of the things that I'm thinking of bringing with us:

The Safari Roller was one of the very first things I bought for Nora. It's inflatable, so easy to pack and I thought it would help encourage crawling, if she's not already doing that.

The Taggies Stack and Nest cups were a sale find yesterday. It seems like a really good toy and it's very light weight and crushable, so good for packing.

Bear in Ring is a very nice wooden Haba rattle that I bought a while back. I really love it, but wonder if it might be better to bring a plastic teething toy instead.

Planning Ahead

Fellow January DTC LIDer Stephe has started a Packing List Challenge. Every month there will be a new challenge to help us prepare for our adoption trips. Isn't that a fantastic idea?? Thanks, Stephe, for doing this! I dislike packing and need all the motivation/inspiration I can get!

This month's challenge is "Diaper Bag in China" and Rob and I have decided that it would be best to bring a daypack that can hold our laptop and camera in addition to the baby gear. This is the High Sierra Access daypack and as you can see from the photo it's expandable so that we can reduce the volume for the times when we leave the laptop behind and have just Nora's stuff to carry. Hopefully it will continue to have a life when we return home as well.

I just ordered the pack last night, so hopefully it will arrive sometime this week. I'm off to Target this afternoon to start picking up some baby bottles, disposable bibs and other buy-ahead baby essentials. So glad to have this challenge to get me moving, otherwise you know I would surely leave it til the last minute and get myself all stressed out.

Yay!!!

I am always super-productive when Rob is out of town. I have trouble sleeping when he's not here, so my usual strategy is to get myself so exhausted that I have no choice. The main activity this week (aside from work, of course) was Nora's quilt and I am very happy to say that THE QUILT TOP IS DONE!!!!
It had been my intention to add a 3" border outside of the pieced border, but the fabric I'd previously purchased for that project looked too busy with the quilt. So, I went to my local quilt shop this morning to get the advice of their resident quilt genius. She told me that she wouldn't put another border on it because no matter what it was it would either clash or detract from the quilt. She said she'd just leave it as is and bind. Less work for me, right? Well it would have been if I hadn't asked my next question: "What would you bind it with?" Her response was: "Scraps - do you have more?". Do I have more - HA! So now I will be spending my afternoon piecing a skazillion more scraps for the binding.


During this process I also decided that I no longer liked my previously purchased backing fabric, so I bought some striped (quilter's) flannel to use instead (see below). Won't that look great with the pieced binding? I'm thinking of having it quilted in green thread.

Since this is almost done, I've started washing my fabric for the crib quilt. I can start that now, right?

Dilettante

dil·et·tante

1. a person who takes up an art, activity, or subject merely for amusement, esp. in a desultory or superficial way; dabbler. 2. a lover of an art or science, esp. of a fine art. –adjective 3. of or pertaining to dilettantes.

My friend B called me that once and truth-be-told I am a bit of a dabbler. I'm really good at starting projects and throwing myself wholeheartedly into the effort... at the beginning. I'm not so good at finishing things because I lose interest, or more accurately get distracted by something new.

As much as I've come to love sewing, staying on-task with Nora's one hundred good wishes quilt (OHGWQ) has been a challenge for me. I am determined to have the quilt top finished before we go up North in September, though. Really what's keeping me going is the burning desire to start on Nora's crib quilt and I know that Rob will never let me hear the end of it if I start another project before finishing the OHGWQ!

Here's the inspiration to move forward (this is the fabric for Nora's crib quilt, I bought it last weekend):

I think it is going to be so cute and I love the fabric! I'm a little intimidated by all the applique, though. I keep trying to machine applique, and I'm not sure that I like the results. Probably I will go back to hand (needle-turn) applique.

Referrals

Congratulations to all the families who will be getting THE CALL tomorrow! We're so excited for you and can hardly wait for the pictures to start being posted!

I also want to take a minute to thank everyone for the phone calls and emails. Rob and I are both fine. We really appreciate your thoughtfulness and concern.

Shopping withdrawal

It feels like I haven't bought anything for Nora in forever. I was in Newport - a beautiful town with great kids' shops - the last few days and I bought nothing. Well, I bought some candy, but nothing for Nora. I was starting to think I was sick or without hope or something.

Then, this morning, when I went to the cafeteria at work to get a coffee and chat with my friend Z, I noticed that the gift shop had a 50% off sale table out front. We have a pretty nice little gift shop at work. Anyway, the cutest little snail nightlight caught my eye. $4.75!! I love him. He lives in Nora's room now.

Lots of ladybugs... so where the heck is Nora??

Thank you SP for the great box of ladybug stuff! It's a ladybug board book, a plush ladybug book, a duck in ladybug rain gear, a ladybug sun catcher ... that's a bunch of ladybugs. Ladybugs are supposed to bring referrals, so what gives?? ;) SP, I agree with what you said in your note. I don't think that ladybugs have any special power either, but they do make me think of Nora. You know I love books and that sun catcher is going to look awesome in my kitchen window. I would put it in Nora's room, but she's got shutters.

On another ladybug note, today we received the new Young Explorers catalog (what can I say, I buy a lot of educational gifts for our nieces and nephews) and it had this:


Apparently I can now grow my own lucky ladybugs. Heh, heh, heh!

P.S. SP, thank you also for the pet treats. Maddie could use some zen. If our pet store had those, I'd have absolutely bought them just for the box. She (Maddie), btw, loves those little cat treats. We had the bottle on the counter and she keeps looking at it. Cat treats must smell really good to her. Poor Abby is going to have to keep an eye on them.

You have to watch this

I found a link to this blog on the RQ site today. Click here.

Eighteen Months - and I missed it!

Yesterday was our 18-month LID anniversary and I completely MISSED IT! It wasn't until I was talking with J today that I realized that this important milestone had gone by unnoticed.

Two years ago, when Rob & I were just starting to fill out our agency application, I never would have guessed that we'd still be waiting for Nora in July 2007, yet here we are. Currently families are waiting about 21 months for their match and it is almost certain to pass the two-year point before we see Nora's face.

Let's all hope for a speed-up, 'cuz I sure would like to have a photo of Nora to include with our Christmas cards.

Weekend wrap up

I wanted to go to the Dragon Boat races today, but that was vetoed by Rob. Instead we went on a shortish (~4 mile) walk with Maddie in the park and had a nice picnic lunch by the lake. Then we came home, and while Rob read his book, I finished the assembly of the main body of Nora's quilt. Now all I have left are the borders (one of which is pieced, so not a trivial task, but still...). Here's a photo taken this evening. Everything you see here is now completely sewn together.

I hope to start on the borders next week. Once that's done, I'm going back to the crib quilt that I started forever ago. Applique is still not my strongest skill, but I've ordered a book from the library and will practice some more on the doll bed quilt.

To close out the weekend, I wanted to share a picture of the graphic on the t-shirt that Maddie gave Rob for his birthday (yesterday)... and, yes, I am the sort of person whose dog gives gifts. I thought it was quite a find - looks just like them!*

Happy Birthday Honey!! I look forward to many more adventures with you!

*except that the actual Maddie has floppy ears and would be in full-alert, critter-chasing posture.

An important travel consideration

I am a naturally curious person, which means that I visit a lot of different websites, which puts me on the distribution for a lot of e-newsletters. One of the lists I'm on is from International Assistance & Adoption Project (IAAP), originally I think I signed up to view their waiting child list and have stayed on the distribution just because they share some good information. This week's newsletter had a little snippet about prescription drugs in China.

Talk to Your Pediatrician Before Travel
We have always recommended you talk with your pediatrician before you travel to get antibiotics you might need for your child. We recommend this even more strongly now that so many counterfeit drugs have been exposed in China. Some drugs approved in China are also dangerous. The former head of the Chinese
FDA was put to death on Monday July 9th after being convicted of approving drugs
that were ineffective and also drugs that resulted in the death of many
people.

You cannot trust the drugs you may buy in China and you may not be able to find what you need when you need it.

I'd heard about the execution of Zheng Xiaoyu earlier in the week, but somehow didn't make the connection to our adoption trip. I wonder how safe Chinese medications are now that the FDA is under new leadership. It's probably smart to play it extra safe and bring everything with you.

Here's a list of travel meds and toiletries that I found of the University of Minnesota International Adoption Clinic website:

For Parents

• Personal hygiene items, including items for feminine hygiene
• Disinfectant soap (e.g., Dial)
• First aid kit including antibiotic cream, Band-Aids, scissors, tape, gauze, rubber gloves and Benadryl
• Disinfectant (e.g., Lysol)
• Contact lens supplies, including saline solution
• Prescription medications
• Tylenol or ibuprofen (e.g., Advil, Motrin)
• Decongestant
• Preparations for diarrhea (e.g., Pepto-Bismol tablets, ImmodiumAD)
• Sink stopper
• Rubber thongs for showers
• Mosquito repellant
• Sunscreen
• Scissors
• Facial tissue
• Toilet tissue
• Wet Wipes
• Transparent tape
• Alcohol wipes

For Baby

• Disposable diapers
• Infant formula; powdered milk-based (e.g., Similac, Enfamiml, Carnation)--only to be used with boiled or bottled water
• Oral electrolyte solution (e.g., Pedialyte or Kaolectrolyte packets)
• Moisturizing cream (e.g., Lubriderm, Aquaphor)
• Infant thermometer
• Plastic gloves
• Infant or Children's Tylenol and ibuprofen (e.g., Advil, Motrin)
• Antibiotic cream (e.g., Bacitracin, triple antibiotic cream)
• Hydrocortisone cream or ointment (1%)
• Oral antibiotics (e.g., Amoxicillin)
• Scabies treatment (Elimite cream)
• Lice treatment (e.g., Nix creme rinse)
• Pacifier
• Infant Sudafed for nasal congestion
• Diaper rash cream (e.g., Desitin, A+D Ointment)
• Fungal diaper rash cream (e.g., Lotrimin cream)
• Baby soap/shampoo
• Mild detergent (e.g., Ivory, Dreft)

More about transracial adoption

I received an e-newsletter from Minnesota Adoption Support and Preservation (MN-ASAP) yesterday afternoon (although I'm just now reading it) that has got to be one of the most thought-provoking 12 pages that I've ever read. If you are part of a transracial family or are thinking of adopting transracially, this is a must-read. Here's a link. Be sure to check out "Externalizing Racism: A Parenting Tool in Transracial Adoption" by Deb Reisner on page 3 and "Parenting Tips for White Parents With Adopted Children of Color" by Sun Yung Shin on page 8.

BTW, I've heard great things about Deb Reisner from one of my coworkers. We are planning on attending a workshop of hers this Fall.

Would you move??

Tomorrow is book club at work. We're discussing Beyond Good Intentions by Cheri Register. This book made me think about a couple of things, one of them was about where we live. Here's an excerpt from the book:

Given this tendency [to seek people like us], we can't really fault parents who object when adoptees advise them to relocate. If you have spent your life in a small town, the same one where your family has lived for generations, why should you have to uproot yourself to add a child to your family? Why should you give up your low-rate mortgage and your well-funded suburban school to move to the city where the houses are aging, the crime rate is higher, and the teachers are busy dealing with social problems? You know you wouldn't feel happy or safe there, so how could that be good for your child? Just keep in mind that he has the same instincts you do: to seek the comfort and safety of the familiar, which, as he grows up and becomes more self-aware, may mean faces less like yours and more like his. Remember, too, that he has traveled a great distance to fulfill your dreams of family. Your move across town or to a neighboring city or even to another state is a minor adjustment compared to the upheaval he has endured.

This same topic has come up in a couple of our adoption network meetings. Last month one of the adult adopted people on our panel mentioned an exercise that one of the local adoption agencies does with their clients. You start with an empty jar and a bunch of black and white marbles - then you go through the people in your life - the ones your interact with regularly like your neighbors, your hair person, your doctor, etc. - and put a marble in the jar representing each of those people. If they are white, you put a white marble and if they are a person of color you put a black marble. Then you look at your jar. It tells you something about the diversity of the environment into which you'll be bringing your child. The good thing about doing this is advance is that you have time to make changes - like look for another doctor or another community all together.

I'm ashamed to say that I don't have to do this exercise to tell you that my jar is mostly white. I also don't especially want to move. I like where we live. Anyone else struggling with this?

RQ's latest analysis

The Rumor Queen posted a new wait time analysis this morning. Here's her table:
So, with a 1/16/06 LID we would have a referral between December 2007 (good case) and September 2008 (horrid case), with between March-May 2008 being more likely.

I also checked in on the China Adoption Forecast site and it is currently saying:

Our best guess - a weighted average of recent CCAA velocities, guessing that CCAA will perform about as well in the future as they are performing now, but might return to previous trends: 2007-12-03

Their worst case is about the same as RQ's - September 28, 2008.

December would be so exciting, but I think March is a lot more likely. I'm hoping that it's not much later than that because of (1) the Beijing Olympics and (2) steamy Guangzhou summers.

Busy busy busy...

Happy belated 4th of July! I'm sorry to have been away from the computer for so long. We've been having a great time with our house guests (five members of Rob's immediate family). We did a bunch of fun stuff - carnival, canoe trip, zoo, birthday party.

The pinata was fun - j and H helped decorate and our neighbor M came over to help break it open. Here's the finished product - the passenger is one of those moose gift card holders from Caribou. He was a perfect fit.
Maddie was also a great sport at the birthday cookout. Not only was she very sweet with j and the neighbor kids, but she also donned an official family canoe expedition bandanna and gamely modeled some of the birthday headgear. I love this dog. It was a very fun weekend, but the house is seeming very empty this evening!

June 29 - a very good day!

Why is it a good day?? Here are all the reasons (in order of occurrence or my discovery):

1. We had unbelievably beautiful weather. 80 degrees, sunny and only 29% humidity. Doesn't get much better than that!
2. I went out to lunch with co-workers - my choice, the local malt shop. The boss paid.
3. The Rumor Queen had GOOD RUMORS!! If this 10 days/month is real and continues, we could have a referral in January or February - wouldn't that be great?!
4. My Mom and Dad sent us a Grand Traverse Mission Cherry Pie, possibly the best tasting thing ever.
5. Rob and I realized that everyone either of us had seen all day was in a fantastic mood (must have been the weather)
6. We had a very nice after-work walk to the beach with Maddie.
7. Maddie swam (retrieving thrown sticks), without a floatation device, in water over her head. She wasn't even scared (much). My girl's finally a swimmer!!
8. We went to our neighborhood wine bar for dinner - sat on the patio, had the cheese plate, a salad with gorgonzola, pear and fig and a terrific pinot.
9. We agreed that all chores can wait until tomorrow, tonight is a night off.
10. There's going to be a full moon tonight*, so we're going to take Maddie on another walk before bed.

* technically, the full moon isn't until tomorrow. but tonight it'll be close.

Jia Baoyu and the lock of jade

Something else I learned about from Rob's friend Jasper:

Another tradition in China is to put a necklace with a traditional Chineselock on the baby, and bracelets are also popular in the same way. Thistradition can also be rooted from a long time ago. The locks are usuallymade by silver, gold or jade, and silver prefered, with words on them. It'ssaid that these materials have special rays that can scare monsters away,and the words can bless the baby with best luck and happiness. Jia Baoyu,the main character in one of the most famous Chinese literature novel, wasborn with such a lock of jade in his mouth.

Attached are some pictures of such locks and bracelets. The patterns on thelocks could be the the Chinese Zodiac of the baby, and the text could be"长命百岁" (live as long as a hundred years if translated directly) orother good wishes for the baby.

If you're interested in learning more about Jia Baoyu and Lin Daiyu, here's a link.

Nora's quilt - update

I don't think that I've mentioned before my apprehension about the quilt project (at least not on this blog, if you know me you've probably heard it!). When we first started this process, I threw myself whole-heartedly into the experience. Anything that I heard we should do, I did because I didn't want Nora to miss out on anything. After a while though, I came to suspect that some of these supposed Chinese traditions were less rooted in Chinese culture and more a creation of the adoption community.

The quilt I regard a little bit differently - I think it's a great idea and I love having a little reminder of all the friends and family who care about Nora and are wishing her well. Some of them, like my Uncle Buck and Rob's Grandma Violet, have already passed on, so those are extra-special mementos of people that Nora will never know. I always intended to complete this project, but I didn't want to tell Nora that it was Chinese custom unless it really was. So, I braced myself for the cold, hard truth about the quilt and sent the question to a friend of Rob's who is Chinese by both birth and residence. Guess what? It's REAL! Here's his response:

I have consulted some classmates and some aged people in China, "Bai jiabei" (百家被 in Chinese) is something used to be popular in some areas in China, and maybe still popular in some places. The word "Bai jia" (百家)means a hundred families, "bei" means quilt, it was usually made by every family in the village when a baby was given to birth, and later it's simplified to be just several women in the village to make such thing.Another saying about this is that this thing was made by pieces of cloth that come from every family in the village. Whatever, people can express their love in this kind of ways to the baby...

And, more good quilt news ... tonight I finished my last block! I still need to assemble the squares, finish the last partial rows on the bottom and side and add my borders, but you can get a really good feel for how it's going to look. This will be a twin size quilt. I've decided to have it quilted at the shop we visited up at the North Shore, so I need to have it ready to go before our Fall vacation.

Next post I'll tell you more about another Chinese tradition that Jasper told me about.

Define success...

True to our word, we did rent a canoe yesterday. We put Maddie in her doggy life vest, had her jump in the canoe and pushed off. She absolutely refused to sit down for me, so Rob did what any good father would do - threatened to pull over the canoe. Maddie spent the rest of the paddle sitting in the back with Rob. She was ok. She didn't love it and she really didn't understand why she couldn't stand up, walk around or get a drink from the lake while we were moving, but she didn't hate it either. She loved the part where we pulled up on an island and she got to go swimming. Canoe camping is probably not going to happen any time soon, there's just too much of a risk of her dumping us out. We'll keep trying though and eventually we'll get there.


Other parts of our trip did go well - camping and cooking were both good, including the walleye and carrots cooked in foil on the campfire (yay!). It was very nice to eat real food and not rely on pb & j all weekend! We also had several very nice long walks and spotted some interesting wildlife including a doe and her fawn this morning. Deer aren't unusual where we live, but we don't often catch a glimpse of a fawn. It was a great weekend and will be very do-able with Nora (all except the canoeing). In fact, I saw a couple of families tent camping with toddlers so it can't be all that crazy of an idea.

Even though canoeing with Miss Madness didn't go as well as I'd hoped, I'm still rating the weekend a success.

Here's a moment of camping zen:

Happy Father's Day!

I'm sure it will come as a surprise to no one that Rob's Father's Day gift was a book. Believe it or not, I'd actually never heard of this book before; I just stumbled on it by accident at Borders last week, but I think it was a great choice.

"Healing the broken bond between our young and nature is in our self-interest, not only because aesthetics or justice demand it, but also because our mental, physical, and spiritual health depend upon it."—from "Last Child in the Woods," Algonquin Books

You can read more about it here.


We love being outside and hope to that Nora will come to love the outdoors as much as we do.

Next weekend we will be trying out a canoe. We currently have kayaks, but can't take either dog or kids in those. One option that we considered was a double kayak with a center (third) cockpit, which would work for one child but not much else. I think it's time for a canoe. Rob is bummed; this will slow him down considerably.

Happy Father's Day also to our Dads! We love you!

I want to be the fun mom

My mom was (and still is) the fun mom and I want to be able to give our kids that kind of experience as they grow up. Life is quite nice when your mom is a happy, fun-loving person.

Anyway, we are expecting a young house guest, j, in a couple of weeks. j told her mom that she wants to host a birthday party while they're here, so I've been thinking about how we can do that. The one thing that I always wanted at my birthday party as a kid (and never got - there's a lesson, even the kid of the fun mom doesn't get everything she wants*) was a piñata. So, I decided that we would make a piñata.

I don't think that I've done papier-mâché since the 3rd grade, so I went to the internet looking for a recipe and perhaps some instructions for a piñata. If you haven't already discovered it, Family Fun magazine has a terrific website with all kinds of great ideas, including instructions for a hot air balloon piñata. I decided to do the papier-mâché part before j gets here and then hand it over to her for decoration, which turned out to be a good idea since it needs three coats of papier-mâché and needs to dry for a full day between coats. I also had a little mishap with the first balloon and needed to start over.

Here's a photo of the work in progress. Pretty cool, huh?

The paste recipe is also way better than what I remember using in grade school and it's super-easy.

Papier-Mâché Paste (from Family Fun magazine)

1. Combine 1/2 cup all-purpose flour and 2 cups cold water in a bowl.
2. Add this mixture to a saucepan of 2 cups boiling water and bring it to a boil again.
3. Remove from the heat and stir in 3 tablespoons of sugar.
4. Let it cool; it will thicken as it cools. Once it does, it's ready to use.

My learning: be sure to let the paste cool all the way before you use it, otherwise it causes the air in the balloon to expand when the papier-mâché is applied and contract as it cools. It will mess up your project. What I do now is cook up the paste in the evening, let it cool uncovered until bedtime then cover with plastic wrap and let it sit on the counter until morning. If I get an early enough start I can get a coat on before work. It seems to take about 45-60 minutes per coat and I'm using a fairly large punch ball instead of a regular balloon.

I think I might have to subscribe to Family Fun.

* I also did not get a dog, imo a mistake on the part of my parents. Every kid should have a dog. Obviously I am making up for that in adulthood.

Our big backyard

You'd think that the rambunctious pooch would be a deterrent to wildlife, but NO! Our backyard is chock full!

I glanced out the window as I was letting Maddie in from the back porch and saw this:
Then about two feet away from the butterfly, I saw THIS:
This bunny was sitting in our yard, eating clover (we have clover in the back because I don't want herbicides where the pets - and someday Nora - play), completely oblivious to Maddie. Or maybe not, she may have experience with Maddie and already think she's safe.

I hope that's not the case. Maddie has caught squirrels twice, who knows what might happen if she were to get the jump on a bunny!

152 insights into my soul

Do you remember that quote from You've Got Mail? It popped into my head this afternoon as I was opening the fabulous July gift from our Jan DTC Secret Pal. SP, I have no idea who you are, but I do know that you "get" me.

Our SP chose "Father's Day" as her theme for the month and sent two books (one an adorable board book by Garrison Keillor (NPR - Rob's favorite!)) a photo paperweight and a so-sweet "I Love Daddy" bib for Rob.

She also, as usual, remembered our furkids with treats for both Abby and Maddie. Maddie's were "Fortune Snookies" by the makers of the tasty Snausages (no, I've never tried a Snausage, but every dog we've ever known is wild about them). Anyway, "Fortune Snookies" are like fortune cookies, or conversation hearts, for dogs. Maddie is still checking around the table where she got her first snookie, which said "The Bark Stops Here" (inset in the photo of Maddie lurking by the table).

Thank you so much SP. It was a wonderful, thoughtful gift. I bought Rob "Daddy" books last year for Father's Day also, thinking for sure that would be our last Father's Day without a baby (shows what I know, right?) - but the ones you've found are new to us! Who knew that there were so many great books for Daddies to read with their little ones!

P.S. SP, I didn't think your clip art was cheesy at all. It's a fine line between cheesy and sweet isn't it? I dance along that line all the time, frequently falling over into cheesy!

So many books, so little time...

I've been making good use of my van pool time the past couple of weeks (not that my previous van pool activity - sleeping - was a poor use of time, but this is even better!). First I read our July book club* book, Beyond Good Intentions by Cherie Register. It was a quick, easy, POSITIVE read, which was so good for me. So many of the adoption books focus on what can go wrong, that it is really refreshing to read something that makes you feel that, despite some challenges and mistakes along the way, in the end it might turn out all right.

Then I read Learning the Dance of Attachment by Holly VanGulden and Charlotte Vick. Holly was the speaker we heard back in April. We really learned a lot from that seminar, so I ordered her book from Crossroads. This book did more than just make me feel better, it made me feel empowered to make a positive difference in our child's life. I've reread several parts of the book already and made Rob promise me that he would read it. I consider this a must-read for all adoptive parents. I know that I will keep mine on hand for reference for years to come.

Next up is my library book, Talking with Young Children About Adoption by Mary Watkins and Susan Fisher. I checked this out on the recommendation of C at work and think that I will probably buy a copy to keep, but since they had it at the library I figured I'd go ahead and take it out for a test read.

And if that wasn't enough, in today's mail:

I think I need to take some time off and spend a couple of days reading at the beach. I've got the beach on my brain - this topic comes up at least 2-3 times every day. By the way, I don't only read about adoption. I'm also reading Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons, which coincidentally does include an adoption :)

* This is the adoption book club at work.

Feeling...CRABBY!

6 days matched. That wouldn't be bad if there were a lot of dossiers logged in on those days - we *know* that November is a big month, right? But ... the big U.S. China-only agencies do not seem to have received many referrals. I'm now hoping that there were a lot of referrals for families in Canada and Europe. Otherwise, they just did not match very many this month and we still have lots and lots of November dossiers waiting. Unfortunately, I'm thinking that it is probably the latter.

Be the change

Do you remember my lamenting the lack of Mandarin Chinese in our school district? Well I did email the district learning services director asking about foreign language programming at the elementary level. She responded and said that currently our district offers Spanish and German for grade 7 and above, but that their Long Range and Strategic Planning committee was looking into the need for language and cultural awareness at a much earlier age. She said that she would mention my interest at their next meeting and suggested that I share my thoughts with some of the school board members.

That message came last week on the day that we left for the North Shore, so I hadn't responded to it yet, although I've been thinking about it a lot. First I had a big reaction to German being one of the two selected languages, but then decided that it was probably a regional thing. Refocusing on my main objective of getting foreign language in the elementary schools, the next thing to do seemed to be get a list of the school board members and start calling them.

Then today I got a phone call, a voice mail message really, from the learning services director. She said that she has applied for a state grant to investigate offering Mandarin Chinese in the elementary schools and was wondering if I would like to be on the exploratory committee with her. Hmm, let me think about that.... YES!!!!

Aaah

This is an actual un-edited vacation photo. Isn't it lovely? It could be a postcard.

We had a wonderful, relaxing, LONG Memorial Day weekend at the North Shore. So good, in fact, that Rob has declared Northern Minnesota "better than Maui". Good thing for us since it is (1) closer (2) cheaper (3) less-crowded (4) more pet-friendly (5) more kid-friendly. Sign us up for the annual trip and if we should win Powerball tonight, we might just move there.

And for the China a-parents out there... although I do not subscribe to the lucky ladybug thing, I did take a picture of the only one I saw all weekend and it came out quite nicely (after I got the stinking little camera to focus on it). All my pictures this trip were taken with the little camera. I am determined to figure this thing out. Anticipation is key because it is just not as fast as the big camera and I'm having trouble figuring out how to focus manually or focus on a micro object. If anyone knows how to do these things with a Powershot SD900, please let me know. Anyway, here's the obligatory bug shot.

Thank you Secret Pal!

Thank you very much to our Jan DTC Secret Pal! It was Mother's Day in May, so this month's gift was all about me (mostly). She sent bath beads, facial masks, candles, a bib that says "I Love My Mommy" and treats for Abby and Maddie. Thank you SP!!

Maddie will be bringing her new bone on our weekend road trip. It should keep her busy for a while in the car, so really it's a gift for all of us!

Sometimes they turn out really, really well

The women in my adoption book club at work* know how much I worry about being a good parent. It's one of those good-thing-bad-thing aspects of a long wait. Good thing: I've got lots of time to read and prepare for Nora. Bad thing: Most of the books focus on what can go wrong. It can be very discouraging. Raising kids is hard. Not just adopted kids, raising any kid is hard.

Just when I think it's impossible to get it right, something happens to change my mind. This weekend it was my niece's high school graduation. Sometime I'll need to ask my brother and his wife how they did this amazing thing. Their kids are smart, funny and kind. How does it happen? I think it must be good parenting. Maybe I should send Nora to spend some time with them...

* Yes, we have an adoption book club at work! Isn't that cool??!! It's sort of an add-on to the adoption network that J coordinates. Our first book was Are Those Kids Yours? and our second was Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. Up next is - I think - Beyond Good Intentions. I'd better check on that. The next discussion is in about 6 weeks and I'll have some time to read over Memorial Day weekend.

Not the happiest start to my weekend

I just checked the RQ site and saw that she has some new predictive analysis of referral times. Here it is:

So, it would take a good to very good case scenario to bring Nora home for Christmas.

I guess I don't need to worry about my somewhat reckless use of four vacation days for long weekends this Spring/Summer.

Mad, mad, mad - I'm mad.

Great news - Chinese immersion schools have come to our area!! Bad news - we live across a state line from these programs, so Nora won't be eligible to attend. Not even if we pay tuition. I know. I asked. This STINKS.

I've also learned from a friend that our local school district does not offer any foreign language programming at the elementary level. This REALLY STINKS, not just for Nora, but for all the kids in our community.

Those of you who know us know that moving to the other state is not an option. Long story. Project house.

So I figure that there are two options. Right now I'm pursuing both:

(1) Convince the immersion school in the neighboring state - where we both work, by the way - to let our kids attend if we pay tuition. For the record, Chuck in my van pool suggested that I get a P.O. box in the other state and "fudge" our way in and I deemed this unethical. One karma point for me.

(2) Devote my time and energy to bringing language programming to our up-and-coming school district. I just sent an email to my unwitting victim the district learning services director, offering my assistance in the matter.

Thankfully, I have a little time. I figure that Nora will be able to attend Chinese daycare for 4-5 years until I can impose my will on the world figure things out.

For anyone facing the same problem, here are a couple of resources:

NACELL

Nanduti

and, of course, there's always my favorite book.

Spring is here!

Tonight after work I bought some of my annuals. I just decided this afternoon that I was going to get plants. You wouldn't believe how much it improved my day just thinking about it. Tomorrow evening I'm going to plant.

See Maddie "helping"? She's that way.

The falls

I love where we live. Can you believe that this wondrous site is just a few minutes from our house? We were here both Saturday and Sunday last weekend. It's a great place for walking with Maddie -- and plenty of water for a cool-off swim (for Maddie anyway, the water is still too cold for me). We're planning a picnic breakfast for this Saturday.