Fun in the sun

Thank you new Jan DTC Secret Pal - we love our "Fun in the Sun" gift for Nora!

Our new SP has decided to make her own themes (yay - I love a theme!) and this month is "Fun in the Sun". Hmm, beachtime fun where we live in April - that's highly unusual! This is an unusual year though - we actually did take a walk to the beach on Sunday a full two months before our usual first beach trip.

SP sent Nora the coolest stuff - inflatable beach toys, swim floaties, a frisbee, a pail, a sand shovel and rake, two baseball caps (one pink and one denim with ladybugs - Nora's first ball caps! How long do you think it will be before she has a pony tail to pull through the back?), and *my favorite* sidewalk chalk!

Rob's right - I am a cheap date. All this great stuff and what do I like best? Chalk. Figures.

One more thought

Today is my Mom and Dad's 57th (is that right???) Anniversary!! Congratulations Mom & Dad and Happy Anniversary!! We love you!!

Love,
R & J

Some random thoughts...

I'm sorry, this post is not going to be coherent. I have a lot on my mind.

(1) As many of you I'm sure know, a horrible story of a disrupted adoption surfaced this week. Here's a link. It is at once heartbreaking and eye opening for those of us in wait. If you're a worrier, you should probably not read this (Mom - this means you!), but if you are a waiting parent and are not already following Jen's blog, I would encourage you to catch up with the story. I'm sure this sort of thing does not happen often, but it does happen and we all need to educate ourselves and be as prepared as possible.

(2) AmFam wrote a hysterical post this week. First I laughed Diet Coke out my nose. Then I dwelled over our robbing Nora of her culture. I posted the following comment on AmFam's blog:

Comment from Jennifer Time: April 22, 2007, 11:14 pm
Great post - made me laugh Diet Coke out my nose!
I share many of your feelings about the FCC. It’s disturbing. Here’s my dilemma. DH and I neither are Chinese. We are concerned about robbing our daughter of her culture, but nothing we do is going to be really authentic. Thankfully we have a few friends who are Chinese (some live here, some in China). We will travel to China - I love it there. But… that’s an every couple of years kind of thing. In between, though, what can we do that’s not… well… creepy?

This is such a difficult position to be in. At once we are robbing our child of her culture and pretending to be Chinese. How on Earth do you ever do the right thing?? I want to be the best parent possible. I want Nora to be proud of who she is. I will not dress her up in silk brocade and I will also not wrap her in an American flag. If any of you ever see me do either, please give me a good whack, ok?? Wait -what about the red couch photo??* Should we ditch that? Please advise.

(3) I ordered that book, Learning the Dance of Attachment: An Adoptive Parent's Guide to Fostering Healthy Development, that I wrote about last week. It came yesterday and I started reading it this afternoon. I'm also reading Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew for the Adoption Network book club at work. I'm sure I will have thoughts to share about both.

(4) Holy Cow -- I almost forgot the best event of the week! We received our new I-171H on Wednesday. This one is good through 10/26/2008. I sure hope that we have Nora home by then and are on our way to Carys. Carys will be Nora's Mei Mei (little sister) ... I hope!

*The "red couch photo" is a Chinese adoption tradition. Every travel group has a photo taken of the babies dressed in Chinese clothing on a red couch in the White Swan Hotel.

The "dance" of attachment

Yesterday Rob and I attended a very good seminar about attachment. The speaker was Holly Van Gulden, an author and family counselor who grew up in a family formed through transracial adoption (four brothers I think she said - and this was back in the day when transracial adoption was much more unusual than it is now) and who is an adoptive parent herself.

We learned a lot and came away with some good information about transitioning Nora into our family and promoting attachment and also about talking to our families and daycare providers about attachment issues and what we need them to do to help Nora. I should have bought Holly's book, but foolishly assumed that I could get it on Amazon. Turns out the only way I've found to order it is through Crossroads Adoption (where the co-author Charlotte Vick works). Here's a link to a review on the Adoptive Families website and to the order form on Crossroads Adoption's website.

If you ever have a chance to hear Ms Van Gulden speak, take it! She's outstanding.

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing...

I had a much more depressing title for this post, but decided to try to keep somewhat optimistic.

There is a terrible, terrible rumor on the Rumor Queen forum today. Some agencies are telling their clients that only two days have been matched. If that's true it will have taken a full month to move from October 24 to October 26. I'm hoping that the truth is that the CCAA has matched two days of LIDs for those agencies and that it will amount to a week off the calendar. Please.. Please...

I understand that this is outside of my control and that the CCAA owes me nothing, but I really would like to get a little bit closer to our daughter this month.

Mega Mail Monday - Daddy edition

Great news!! Are you sitting? Better sit.

Last week Rob took a class at work - something about thinking on your feet - and one of the other participants made a comment about every child needing to be read Aesop's Fables. So he ordered Nora an Aesop's Fables book!

This is the first thing that Rob has bought for Nora on his own! I think that she is becoming as real to him as she is to me. I so love that he's thinking about reading to his little girl!

P.S. Also in today's mail was a replacement for the first Combi diaper bag that arrived damaged. I didn't post about that at the time because I wanted to give BabyStyle a chance to fix it before I bashed them for sending me a torn up bag. They fixed it. All is well. Shop at will.

Jan DTC Secret Pal - Revealed!!

HUGE thanks to Kim R for being our Jan DTC secret pal! I think that Kim must be channeling my thoughts because she sends exactly the kind of stuff that I would buy myself. The pig plate was especially weird, because I came very close to buying the same plate myself about three days before it came in the mail.

This month's theme was bath time for baby (or something like that) - Kim sent a very cute hooded towel and wash cloth set, farm animal bath squirters, baby bath products (including California Baby calming bath wash!) and a swimming stingray and lobster. The lobster, by the way, is a HOOT.

There were also marshmallow peeps (claimed by Rob, of course) and Panda bookmarks (claimed by me, of course).

... and a chewy bone for Maddie! The picture is of Kim's pugs, Caesar and Louie. They are Maddie's new best friends. She's never met them, but anybody who'd get you a bone and not eat it themself first has got to be special!

Thank you so much, Kim!!

*** Update ***

Maddie LOVED her bone - it lasted about 5 minutes, including time spent deciding where to eat it! Isn't she cute??

Walking the dog

It is a lovely Spring day today - 64 ° and sunny! - and Rob has gone into the office, so I decided to take Maddie on a walk. Oh my goodness. We have a lot of work to do before Maddie can walk with a stroller. She pulls, she's distracted by wildlife (especially squirrels - which she chases) and she doesn't pay attention to me like she should.

We have a gentle leader from our obedience classes, so we started off using that. That experiment lasted about 4 blocks, then I switched the leash over to her regular buckle collar. She needed a lot of correction at first, especially when she spotted a squirrel, but by the end of our walk she was at my knee where I wanted her. She was even good when we passed people she knows and when our neighbor Mason (who's about 7 or 8) passed us on his scooter.

I called Rob when we got home and we've made a pact to only walk Maddie on her leather lead (not the flexi) and really work on her pulling and squirrel chasing. If she doesn't improve, I won't be able to take her on walks with Nora and that would make me sad.

Dec Secret Pal - Revealed!

...it's Kim B! Thank you so much for all the cool gifts and kind words of encouragement. We have really looked forward to opening the box each month - Rob tries to be stoic, but I know he secretly loves all the baby things.

This month's gift was typically wonderful -- a bright rattle, bath squirters and a V-tech ball that will be great for Nora when she's crawling and learning her animals, shapes and colors. Thank you again for everything - you've been a terrific secret pal!

A Sad Day

Today we said goodbye to a good friend...

Our Missy lost her five month battle with kidney disease this morning at 16.75 years of age. Stinky, we'll really miss you and all your sassy, dog-like ways. You've been a great friend and companion to all of us. Someday we will see you on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. Until then, I know you'll have a good time with Tyler, Cody and all the other furkids who are waiting for their people to join them. God bless you little one. I love you.

Gearing up

While I've bought some toys and books and a couple of little outfits, I really haven't purchased any of the baby gear that I know we'll need. No high chair, no car seat, no stroller... I know that we have plenty of time before Nora comes home, but I'd like to spread the expense if I can and avoid the big cash outlay right at the time when we'll be paying for a trip to China. So what I've decided to do is watch the sale sections on all my favorite websites and start snapping up some of these necessities.

This morning I found a Combi Urban Sling diaper bag for $24.99 at BabyStyle. That's an awesome price for a diaper bag and it's stylish and neutral enough (we got the black) that I think either Rob or I could carry it without embarrassment. I'll let you know what we think of it once it gets here.

By the way, the downside of frequenting all these websites is that I find a gazillion other things that I'm not shopping for but can't resist. So, in the box with the diaper bag, there will also be a 12-18 month velour track suit.

Ready for Spring.

After much looking, we've decided on a larger tent!

It's a Columbia Cougar Flats 2-room tent. It's a 2006 model, so we were able to get a really good price. We also bought a double sleeping bag (more family-friendly than our mummies) and an adjust-a-grill for the campfire. I know it's not a top-of-the-line tent, but we've never had a great tent anyway, so this is still a step up for us. Truthfully, we will not be camping in any sort of extreme conditions for a while anyway. Mostly we just want a little quality family time at the park.

So, what else do we need to take Nora camping??

The Three Questions

1. When is the best time to do things?
2. Who is the most important one?
3. What is the right thing to do?

.

Having not bought a book for a few weeks, we decided it was time to go to ... (all together now) Borders! And we found a gem from Nora's wish list among the sea of children's books. The Three Questions is a Tolstoy story retold and beautifully illustrated by Jon Muth who also wrote Zen Shorts and the Chinese version of Stone Soup.

It also carries a powerful message: There is only one important time, and that time is now. The most important one is always the one you are with. And the most important thing is to do good for the one who is standing at your side.

This is a must have for every book collection.

More Family Fun

Do you remember last year when I decided that camping would be a fun family activity? Well, I still think that (I know - who'd have thought? Until last year I thought that vacation involved room service!) . We have a reservation for Memorial Day weekend and will probably do at least one more trip between then and Nora's referral. Our goal will be figuring out what we need for a successful family camping trip with a ~1 year old.

First order of business is a larger tent. Our little three-man dome is barely big enough for Rob, Maddie and me. We are thinking about Kelty Mantra 7, Sierra Designs Moken 6 or North Face Trailhead 6. We'll only be 4 with Nora, but I still think that a 2 (or 3)- room tent would be nice for the separate living/sleeping quaters. We do have a screen room, but that usually goes over the picnic table and it doesn't have a floor.

We're also thinking about getting a *gasp* canoe. Yes, much less cool than the kayaks, but much more family (and dog) friendly. Probably that will be next year.

If anyone has any tips for camping with little kids, please let me know. We've got some time to experiment this Spring.

Immigration Update

After we sent in our I-171H extension application, I asked our social worker how long it would take to receive a receipt and fingerprint appointments. She said that our local USCIS office had been taking about 2-3 weeks for this logging in/scheduling process, so I've been trying hard to be patient.

It turns out that that 2-3 week estimate is about right. Yesterday we received our fingerprint appointments - they will be on 3/28. We also got the receipts for the fingerprinting fees, but not for the I-600A application fee. I'm hoping that will come soon. I think I remember it taking a few days longer last time also. Fingerprints and applications must go their separate ways within the CIS office.

Right now my main concern is getting all the paperwork in order so that we don't have any problems when it's time to bring Nora home. The other bit of pressure is that Rob is trusting me to keep track of the adoption expenses, so I want to be sure to get that receipt!

Update: I just checked the USCIS website for the processing times at our local office. As of February 20, they were processing documents received on November 20, 2006 - so three months. That is approximately how long it took the first time through. Ugh. Anyone who needs to reapply, start early.

Say hello to my little friend

I have a new "toy" - a brand new crackberry pearl from work (yes, I know it's not a toy, but the idea of 24/7 availability sits a whole lot better with me if I think of it as a techno-cool plaything instead of an electronic ball and chain).

So far I've got the phone part working ... and my work email, my calendar, and two personal email accounts. Pretty good, I think, for day 1 set up. Now I'm starting to wonder if it will work in China, possibly as a backup plan for posting to this blog.

I googled "blackberry in China" and found this. The posts are a little bit old, but still encouraging. I'm going to check with my carrier and see if it will work. My employer will probably not be thrilled with the $2.99/minute, but if it keeps me connected to the office and lets us publish an occasional update to the blog it will probably be worth taking along. I never would have guessed that it would even work. The last time we went to China my supposedly global cell phone was completely useless.

Has anyone out there gotten either their cell phone or blackberry to work in China? What did you need to do to set it up?

One step closer

I just did my weekly Wednesday evening check of our agency's website and see that families with LIDs through 10/24/05 received their matches yesterday. I had no clue - see how out of touch I am without the Rumor Queen?!

That means there are 84 LID days between us and Nora's referral. My brain is already shut down for the evening, so I'm not sure what that equates to in real time. 6 or 7 months I think, but I don't have the brain power to make a good guess right now. Referral in October maybe ... so she *might* be home for Christmas. I hope that's true.

A picture (book) is worth a thousand well-pruned synapses

A couple of times I've mentioned a book that I've been reading called, Raise a Smarter Child by Kindergarten. It was written by a neurologist and has taught me a lot about brain development and the importance of early experiences.

Because we will have missed roughly the first year of Nora's life, I want to be sure that in addition to our boundless love we also give her the right kind of stimulation while she's still very young. It really matters; developing the right neural pathways early on affects your ability to learn and process information throughout your life.

One of the first sections I read was about books (you know how much I love books) and it said that there are two kinds of children's books - picture books and storybooks - and every child's library should have both. Now, Nora's got a nice, growing book collection (you can see the current list by clicking on the "Nora's Library" link under the site navigation section on the right), but I realized that she mostly has storybooks and very few picture books. Since that's obviously going to have to change, I bought a nice picture book when I was at Target.

I think that, in addition to teaching some words, it will also help her to learn colors. Hopefully she will also develop a love of books and reading.

Sometime I'll show you her puzzles...

Thank you secret pals!!

Rob made a little discovery this week. I came home one evening and the first thing he said to me was "Jenn, I went into Nora's room. Have you seen it?! She's got a lot of stuff!"

We've had some great new additions this week too, with packages from both secret pals. First on Wednesday we received a shopping cart/stroller bar cover (a genius idea!), plush caterpillar rattle and pretty pink bibs from our December secret pal.

Then yesterday we received a quartet of pink photo items from our January secret pal. This month's theme was "Pretty as a Picture" and we received a painted wood frame, a soft magnetic bunny frame, a baby brag book and a little flower frame.

Thank you very much to both our secret pals!

Today's lesson in opposites (aka the camera dilemma)

We have not done much preparation for our trip to China, but one thing that has become clear to me over the past year or so is that I will not be able to carry my beloved digital SLR every place we go. It's a great camera, but it's big and it's heavy. Too big. Too heavy.

So, for Christmas, Rob got me a teeny little camera. It is so teeny that I can carry it in my pocket ... and it's 10 megapixel so the images are really quite good. It can also take short video, which will be nice for our first days with Nora. There are a couple of tradeoffs though. The big camera has better optics and it's MUCH faster; it powers up instantly and takes some crazy number of shots per second. The little one, you push the button and wait for what feels like an eternity. I took it with us to the dog park once and came away with a bunch of pictures of Maddie's tail (the rest of her was out of the frame).

I'm determined to learn to use the little one, though, because there is no way I'm going to schlep the giant camera and a baby and a boatload of baby stuff all across China. Now what I wonder about is video. Is it worth it or will we never watch? Is a video camera something we'll want or can we get by with video clips from the Elph? What about those one-use video cameras from CVS?