Oh no... (referral update)

RQ has posted that someone with a Nov 25 LID has been told that she's not in. If that's true, then this batch covers three days (11/22/05 - 11/24/05). Even though these three days were all believed to have a large number of dossiers, with 11/22 being very large, three days still feels disappointing to me. I was really hoping that they'd get through November.

I've been telling people that we expect a referral next Spring, probably March or April. Now I'm again unsure of that. I'm perfectly willing to wait for Nora, but constantly explaining this to everyone we know is starting to wear on me. I tell myself that people ask because they are interested (a good thing) and try to always answer with a smile. Lately, though, I'm afraid my smile might be starting to look like a pained grimace.

The power of suggestion

Rob and I went to a waiting families gathering hosted by our home study agency on Monday night. Beth, our social worker, was talking about a book she had read called The Baby Boat (This is not an endorsement; I haven't read the book yet, although I do now have it on reserve at the library). Anyway, one of her discussion questions was about nesting. Rob was quick to point out all the stuff - toys, clothes, books, etc. - accumulating in Nora's room. Thankfully, one of the other women had bought MUCH more than I have (three snowsuits! We only have one that I bought on clearance last winter). Anyway, on the way home I asked Rob if he thought I'd bought too much for Nora. He said no, that as long as I bought stuff on sale it was fine with him.


Well....today at lunch.... SALE AT GYMBOREE!!!!
I really love that all of these mix and match with each other. And did you see the sunglasses??? SO cute. Now baby needs some shoes! (I'm kidding, honey).

The diaper bag challenge!

Well, it's the end of the month and time to post this month's Packing List Challenge. This is a cross-post of my entry over there. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know!!

Wow - no where near ready and already I need a Sherpa!

Here's what I've got so far:
* Backpack. I'll probably also bring a smaller packable bag or tote for use on short outings while we're there
* Thermos, Playtex nursers, extra nipples, formula bags, formula (formula not pictured)
* Change of clothes for Nora
* Hat for Nora
* Lovey or blanket
* Bib for Nora, snacks (including some for Rob and me, not pictured), bottle of water (not pictured)
* Changing pad/clutch, wipes, diapers (diapers not pictured/purchased)
* Diaper rash cream, Teething gel, other meds for Nora (tbd), probably also a small first aid kit and meds for us as well
* Soft rattle, teething toy, rings. I'll probably also toss in a small book.
* Pacifiers, probably a couple of kinds
* Tide pen, Purell
* Map/travel guide (tbd when we know where we're going), China language reference, Baby care reference -- probably not the whole books, our agency suggests tearing out selected pages of travel guide in particular once the itinerary is set.
* Camera (not pictured - it was taking the picture since I'm still trying to get used to the little camera)
* Cell phone/Panda(?) phone (not pictured)
* My little Coach wristlet with cash, credit cards, lip balm and Altoids minis

Thanks, Stephe, for creating some motivation to get this done -- I really appreciate it, cuz I would have waited til the last minute for sure. Can't wait to see everyone else's post so I can figure out what I've forgotten!

Ok, so that was a bad choice of words

I'll concede that this lady's experiment is not necessarily racist, but it is most definitely anti-China. This sort of thing has been a topic of discussion at our house a couple of times because hubby had been prone to making offhanded comments suggesting that Chinese products are "cheap" or "low quality". These things bother me because I don't want Nora to ever infer that anyone (and certainly not her daddy) thinks that she is low quality because she came from China.

That'll teach me to read the newspaper

Two weekends ago we were in IL visiting family and I happened to read the Sunday Chicago Tribune. There was an article on the front page of the business section that caught my eye -- A family tries 12 months without 'Made in China'

At first I thought it was a pro-American kind of thing, reduce the trade deficit, etc. That part all sounded pretty good; we should all be concerned about the trade deficit. Then I read the article. They aren't about addressing the trade deficit - Legos from Denmark and expensive Italian shoes are apparently ok, only Chinese goods are forbidden. European good, Asian bad. Racist much?

I also totally discounted the whole experiment when I read that they didn't realize that Hong Kong is part of China.

Read the article. Let me know if it rubs you wrong too.

Reading ... and thinking

Today I finished reading China Ghosts by Jeff Gammage. I can't say that much about this book was new - it's a fairly typical China adoption story. The book is well-written, though, and told from the perspective of the father, which was interesting.

The parts I found most interesting were the descriptions of the first days spent with each of their two daughters. The story of the older daughter, Jin Yu, was told in more detail and was very interesting in that she was (1) detached and (2) had a large scar on her head, requiring medical evaluation in China. It is good to hear some of the not-so-perfect stories, I think, because those are the ones that make us think and help us prepare ourselves.

I've been thinking about these things a lot lately because of the recent discussion over at the RQ site regarding the referral of children with repaired special needs in the NSN program. While it is unlikely that this will happen, it's a possibility that we need to consider and discuss in advance with our spouse and with our agency. Everyone needs to make the choices that are right for their family and owes it to themself and to the child to be as informed as possible. It would probably be a good idea to find a pediatrician and talk to the International Adoption Clinic in advance of receiving a referral and also prepare a contact list of resources that might be needed if you have concerns while you're in China. I'm going to start working on ours.

BTW, how do I find a pediatrician? There are two of them at the clinic that Rob and I go two, but they are both white women. I think it would be nice to find some more diverse role models for Nora. I'm just not sure how to do that. Any ideas?

I've got mail!

Actually, Nora's got mail, but I got to open it! Our Jan DTC secret pal sent the coolest activity books and picture frames for photos of the pets. I can hardly wait until Nora is ready to color. There is nothing in the world like the smell of a fresh box of Crayolas - heaven!

Thank you so much, SP! I'm going to have to get cracking on the coloring tote I've been meaning to make - especially now that we've got stuff to put in it!

Beware of Dog

There was a horrible story on the news here not too long ago about a 7 year old boy who was killed by the family dog - a pit bull who was kept chained in the basement (what??!! who would have a "pet" who needed to be kept chained inside the house??). In any case, the parents deserve some credit for realizing that the dog needed to be kept from the children. The poor little boy apparently went downstairs to pet the dog or something. When the father realized what happened and went to help, he got bit himself and shot the dog. My heart hurts for everyone involved.

I know, that all pit bulls aren't vicious and that people play some role in shaping their behaviors, but I also know that Maddie likes to carry things around in her mouth because she's a retriever. It's what she was meant to do, it's nothing we taught her. Certain characteristics are part of any breed and it seems to me that breeds originally developed as guard dogs or something like that will be naturally more aggressive than breeds developed for sport or companionship. If you have a dog bred to be a guard dog, you need to be willing to make an extra effort to work with him to become a good companion.

I also think we all need to realize that this didn't necessarily have to be a story involving a "dangerous" breed. All dogs have sharp teeth and strong jaws and little kids can be annoying to them I'm sure. I've seen our little neighbor, A, stick her finger in Maddie eye and up her nose (she was in that learning body parts phase and was teaching Maddie some of hers). If someone did that to me, I might want to bite them.

There's an article in the current issue of Parents magazine about kids and dogs. I couldn't find it exactly in magazine format online, but you can read most of the content here. They describe four commands that the family dog should know. Here's our report card:

1. Go to your spot.
This order gives your dog a place to go when things get chaotic. Put [her] crate or bed in a quiet spot. Toss a treat into it, and tell the dog, "Go to your spot." Teach the kids to leave the dog alone when [she's] in [her] spot.
Our grade: C. Maddie knows "lie down" and is reliable with it. She also has a favorite spot behind the kitchen table, but we have not taught her to go to a spot. She really wants to be with us and because she is part of the family, we don't want to send her to another room (that would feel like punishment to her, don't you think). Probably what I should teach her is to go lie down in a spot that I point to, so she could be out of the way but still in the same room.

2. Leave it.
This command keeps your dog from pouncing on dropped food or a child's favorite toy. To train: With the dog on a leash, put a dog treat on the floor and say, "Leave it." The second your pet stops trying to get the treat - and especially if [she] looks up at you - quickly give an even better treat from your hand (like cheese or a tidbit of chicken) and say, "Good dog!"
Our grade: B. Maddie is decent at this, but she did grab an apple turnover out of my friend B's house last Spring (she dropped it when I told her to drop it, which was good, but what I really want is for her to not grab it in the first place). She will leave something on the ground if I tell her to "leave it", though. We did teach the command pretty much the way the article describes too, but Maddie's great reward is bits of hot dog.

3. Off.
The last thing you need when you're carrying a baby is Bowser jumping up on you. Teach your dog "off" by never, ever touching [her] when [she] jumps up on you - don't even push [her] away. Instead, turn your back so [she] drops on all fours. Then , bend down to pet [her]. Our grade: C. My girl is really happy to see us after we've been apart all day. I think she knows that she's not supposed to jump, but there is a lot of frantic wiggling, whining and - sadly - mouthing (she does it softly, but it's still her mouth on my hand). Lately I've been ignoring her when she has the "crazies" and then pet and gush all over here when she calms down and greets me properly.

4. Wait.
If you're heading outside, keep your dog from getting overly excited. Put [her] on a leash, open the door, and tell [her], "Wait." When [she] relaxes, release [her] with a cheerful "Okay!" and let [her] go through the doorway.
Our grade: A-. It might have been a solid A, but we don't always use this when going outside. We do use "wait" often on the stairs, though, and it's perfect for that. "Wait" for us is a temporary thing - she knows to stay alert because we're going to call her soon (unlike "stay" where she might as well take a nap). I love this when I have my hands full and want to get up or down the stairs without tripping over the dog. Obviously it will also be great when trying to carry a baby up/down the stairs.

In case these so-so marks are giving you a less than favorable opinion of my furbaby, I should say that Maddie is a very good girl. Our less-than-perfect grades have everything to do with my inconsistencies in training, nothing at all to do with Miss Madness. We need to do more before Nora comes home - "Off" and nice walking on a leash are probably the two things that are most important for us.

Just for kicks I thought I'd share the first picture I ever saw of Maddie (her breeder emailed this to me after they did the "puppy matching"). It was love at first sight.

Get thee to Target!

It started off innocently enough, just a quick after-work trip to the local Target store... but of course I had to walk by the baby section (looking for a changing mat for the August China packing list challenge task). I didn't find a changing mat that I liked, but I did find some incredible bargains on cute baby clothes. Look at this - the cap was only $0.98 and a couple of the onsies $2.78. The most expensive thing was the skort and even that was less than $5. Pretty incredible.The logic behind the gray t-shirt was that I thought it would look good with the little velour track suit that I bought on clearance at BabyStyle last Spring. I know, it's very pink... but doesn't it look comfy?While I'm thinking about this -- does anyone know if we can donate clothing to our child's orphanage while in China? There's no reason why I couldn't snap up a bunch of this stuff while it's on sale and take it over to China with us. It wouldn't take up much room - and it would be a nice placeholder in the luggage (give it away when we get there and fill up its space with souvenirs).

Toxic baby bottles - in case there isn't enough to worry about

Precisely three days after buying baby bottles I heard a news story about the dangers of polycarbonate baby bottles. I should have known this, especially since Rob threw out all our Nalgene bottles a year ago for the same reason. You can read more about this on the link above, but in a nutshell the BPA used in polycarbonate bottles leaches into food and poses some health hazards.

I guess I should be happy that the bottles I bought were a combination of Playtex "premium"* polycarbonate bottles with drop-ins (the drop-ins are plastic, but not polycarbonate) and Playtex nursers (not polycarbonate and also used with drop-ins). It could have been worse. Still, though, I am thinking about taking them back. I wonder what's worse - a plastic bottle with a drop-in that might leach something or a glass bottle that might break. As far as I know there is no such thing as a stainless steel baby bottle.

I also thought about baby dishes a while back (making it all that much weirder that I didn't recognize the bottle issue) and have been actively looking for stainless steel dishes and storage containers. In case you are wondering, there are not many available. I found this dish, this dish and these storage containers and not a lot else. Even Kiwi magazine (I know, we have some tree-hugger tendencies) - which first put this anti-plastic dish concern in my head - didn't have anything to offer up. If anyone has other suggestions for non-plastic baby dishes and food storage containers, please let me know.

* don't you love the "premium" bit - you pay extra to poison your child.

Nineteen months!

It's official. Our wait has now passed my original worst-case scenario. When we first started this process in July 2005, I would have never guessed that our wait would pass 18 months... but you know what happens to the best laid plans!

Still, time marches on and each day that passes brings us one day closer. Sometimes - like when I think about all the preparations left to be done - it feels practically imminent!

What brown can't do for you

I'd been planning on taking Nora's quilt up North when we go camping next month (to drop it off at the quilt shop where I wanted to have it quilted). I sent a note to the quilt shop asking about having it quilted, though, and they said that it could probably be done earlier if I sent it up. This was appealing - maybe it will be done by the time we go up and I can bring it home with us. Great news, right?

It was, except it meant that I needed to ship Nora's quilt. I rarely have any trouble shipping anything, but the thought of packing something irreplaceable in a cardboard box made me VERY nervous. Yesterday, though, I worked up all my courage and took it over to the UPS store to have shipped. The guy gave me some waiver to sign and I was supposed to fill in the value of the item. "Priceless" was not an acceptable answer. Neither was "One Million Dollars". Mean, heartless man made me put a dollar value on my baby's quilt. I called it $500, which I think doesn't come close to covering the time and energy (and fabric) involved in this project, but he wasn't going to send it otherwise, so that's what I did and paid the extra $5 for $500 worth of insurance. Since then I've been anxiously checking the package tracking site every chance I get. Good news - this afternoon delivery was confirmed at the quilt shop. Pretty good service, don't you think? Felt like a million years though.

A whole aisle of baby bottles

So, I went to Target this afternoon to start buying some of the little essentials that we'll need for our adoption trip. It was completely overwhelming- Target has a whole aisle of baby bottles. How the heck am I supposed to know what we need? I thought I remembered seeing in something (from our agency, I thought, but now I can't find it in any of the materials from them) about a Playtex nurser, so that's what I bought even though everyone seems to get the Avent ones now. I also got bottle liners, a few nipples (and realize we need more and different kinds), a thermos for hot water, a package of disposable bibs, two packages of disposable changing pads and a Cheerios travel box.

I've also been thinking about which toys we should bring for Nora. I need small/light toys that will hold her interest. Here are some of the things that I'm thinking of bringing with us:

The Safari Roller was one of the very first things I bought for Nora. It's inflatable, so easy to pack and I thought it would help encourage crawling, if she's not already doing that.

The Taggies Stack and Nest cups were a sale find yesterday. It seems like a really good toy and it's very light weight and crushable, so good for packing.

Bear in Ring is a very nice wooden Haba rattle that I bought a while back. I really love it, but wonder if it might be better to bring a plastic teething toy instead.

Planning Ahead

Fellow January DTC LIDer Stephe has started a Packing List Challenge. Every month there will be a new challenge to help us prepare for our adoption trips. Isn't that a fantastic idea?? Thanks, Stephe, for doing this! I dislike packing and need all the motivation/inspiration I can get!

This month's challenge is "Diaper Bag in China" and Rob and I have decided that it would be best to bring a daypack that can hold our laptop and camera in addition to the baby gear. This is the High Sierra Access daypack and as you can see from the photo it's expandable so that we can reduce the volume for the times when we leave the laptop behind and have just Nora's stuff to carry. Hopefully it will continue to have a life when we return home as well.

I just ordered the pack last night, so hopefully it will arrive sometime this week. I'm off to Target this afternoon to start picking up some baby bottles, disposable bibs and other buy-ahead baby essentials. So glad to have this challenge to get me moving, otherwise you know I would surely leave it til the last minute and get myself all stressed out.

Yay!!!

I am always super-productive when Rob is out of town. I have trouble sleeping when he's not here, so my usual strategy is to get myself so exhausted that I have no choice. The main activity this week (aside from work, of course) was Nora's quilt and I am very happy to say that THE QUILT TOP IS DONE!!!!
It had been my intention to add a 3" border outside of the pieced border, but the fabric I'd previously purchased for that project looked too busy with the quilt. So, I went to my local quilt shop this morning to get the advice of their resident quilt genius. She told me that she wouldn't put another border on it because no matter what it was it would either clash or detract from the quilt. She said she'd just leave it as is and bind. Less work for me, right? Well it would have been if I hadn't asked my next question: "What would you bind it with?" Her response was: "Scraps - do you have more?". Do I have more - HA! So now I will be spending my afternoon piecing a skazillion more scraps for the binding.


During this process I also decided that I no longer liked my previously purchased backing fabric, so I bought some striped (quilter's) flannel to use instead (see below). Won't that look great with the pieced binding? I'm thinking of having it quilted in green thread.

Since this is almost done, I've started washing my fabric for the crib quilt. I can start that now, right?

Dilettante

dil·et·tante

1. a person who takes up an art, activity, or subject merely for amusement, esp. in a desultory or superficial way; dabbler. 2. a lover of an art or science, esp. of a fine art. –adjective 3. of or pertaining to dilettantes.

My friend B called me that once and truth-be-told I am a bit of a dabbler. I'm really good at starting projects and throwing myself wholeheartedly into the effort... at the beginning. I'm not so good at finishing things because I lose interest, or more accurately get distracted by something new.

As much as I've come to love sewing, staying on-task with Nora's one hundred good wishes quilt (OHGWQ) has been a challenge for me. I am determined to have the quilt top finished before we go up North in September, though. Really what's keeping me going is the burning desire to start on Nora's crib quilt and I know that Rob will never let me hear the end of it if I start another project before finishing the OHGWQ!

Here's the inspiration to move forward (this is the fabric for Nora's crib quilt, I bought it last weekend):

I think it is going to be so cute and I love the fabric! I'm a little intimidated by all the applique, though. I keep trying to machine applique, and I'm not sure that I like the results. Probably I will go back to hand (needle-turn) applique.

Referrals

Congratulations to all the families who will be getting THE CALL tomorrow! We're so excited for you and can hardly wait for the pictures to start being posted!

I also want to take a minute to thank everyone for the phone calls and emails. Rob and I are both fine. We really appreciate your thoughtfulness and concern.